Ducks Hire Rookie GM

The Anahiem Ducks announced the hiring of their new general manager, Stu Hopkins, this morning, (somewhat belatedley).  The highly regarded rookie GM has been in charge of the Ducks for the last three games, (two wins and an overtime loss to the hated Philadelphia Flyers).  The new GM read a short prepared statement.

"Thank you all for coming."

"Today...marks the beginning of a new chapter in Ducks history."

"When I accepted this position, I was told that I must accomplish three things each and every year, or I too, would become just another Ducks' managerial casualty."

"The absolute most important thing I was told, is that I must defeat the hated San Jose Sharks.  Each and every time is preferable, but beat them more often than not."

"Number two in importance, I was told that I must finish higher in the standings than the hated Sharks at season's end.  Each and every year."

"You can imagine my mirth when I was told these 'conditions'.  The very idea that an organisation like the Sharks could ever compete with the Mighty Ducks?  Madness.  If I couldn't attain that, I have no business managing a paper route, let alone a professional hockey team."

"The third condition was to make the playoffs.  I've inherited a wonderful team that will be able to easily accomplish that this season.  Our top ten skaters and two goaltenders rank up there with any other team in the EHE.  Our coach is a superstar.  The season will be a crushing disapointment if we don't at least reach the Conference Finals with this group."

"But this excellence has come at a price.  Our collection of draft picks is almost non-existent, our prospect cupboard is almost completley bare, and there is precious little young talent in the minors.  At seasons' end, we will have a mere twenty-eight players under contract in our entire organization.  Of our top twelve players, seven will be leaving at season's end...for free."

"We are one serious injury away from becoming a pretender instead of a contender...this season."

"We are all-in for 2017-18, and as such, are making our meagre resources available to be dealt to strengthen our current team."

"We are chiefly looking to land top forwards with expiring contracts...but we have very little cap room.  We are unwilling to shift our top twelve players.  But we can talk about anyone else.  And we can be imaginative."

"Jordan Kyrou heads the list of prospects we are willing to deal, along with our other 'prized propects', Christain Fischer, Sean Kuraly, Jaycob Megna, and Brendan Guhle.  We can also be persuaded to deal our second round pick this year.  We also have two fifth round picks we can barter with.  We are unwilling to discuss dealing any picks from upcoming seasons.  And in fact, are interested in acquiring some picks for ourselves."

"Let the league be warned...the Ducks are taking flight."