Sharks Name Phillips New General Manager

In what has become a familiar scene at the SAP Center over the past three years, San Jose Sports & Entertainment Enterprises held a press conference to officially introduce a new general manager for the San Jose Sharks.

Taking the reins as the sixth GM in club history is Kyle Phillips, most recently a freelance scout in North America and Europe, and before that a general manager in the long-defunct EHSL.

“I’d like to thank everyone at the Elite Hockey Experience and the Sharks organization for giving me this opportunity,” said Phillips in his initial statement. “It’s been a busy few days leading up to this point, but I can’t wait to get to work on trying to build the Sharks into a Cup contender.”

Indeed, the new regime wasted little time putting their stamp on the organization, with staff removing several dozen full beer kegs from a shabbily-constructed shanty adjacent to the SAP Center.

When pressed on the issue by disappointed members of the Bay Area media, Phillips was adamant that the drying out of the Sharks front office wasn’t a commentary on his immediate predecessor.

“Not at all,” Phillips said. “From what I’ve heard, Doug is a heck of a GM and a great guy. I’m just doing the job the best way I know how, which I admit probably won’t come with a lot of style points.”

As for the the Sharks’ on-ice outlook, Phillips seemed lukewarm on a team which has missed the playoffs in two of the last three seasons.

“It’s not complicated,” he said. “We have some darn good veterans who I think can still do the job, but there’s not enough young guys supporting them in the present, and not enough on the horizon to make the team competitive in the future. That’s a major issue, and fixing it is my top priority.

By now, Sharks fans will no doubt be skeptical when hearing any talk about the future from yet another fresh-faced GM. But anticipating such concerns, their newest exec closed his inaugural press conference with a simple message:

“I can’t prove it today, and I can’t prove it tomorrow. But I wouldn’t have taken this job if I didn’t intend to be around for the long haul.”