2018 EHE All-Stars Set to Shine in the Tampa Sunlight 2018-02-15 As Tampa, Florida gets ready to host the 3rd annual Elite Hockey Experience All-Star Game, executives could not be more thrilled about the state of hockey. "There is absolutely no hockey being played right now at this moment that is better than our NHL brand," gleamed one league executive. "Absolutely none." Some of the recently-named all-stars seemed to agree with the league's sentiments, including Canucks forward Alex Ovechkin, who has been outspoken in his desire to play in the world's single-greatest game. "I can hardly contain my excitement for this weekend," gleamed Ovechkin. "My home country is not even competing in whatever that thing is going on in North Korea. I would like to thank our commissioner for allowing me this weekend to play hockey, lay on the beach, and show off my dad bod. He is the best commissioner." Ovechkin is one of seven athletes of Russia who have been split up between the two competing teams represented by general managers Duran Size of the Montreal Canadiens and Thomas Gidlow of the Chicago Blackhawks. Gidlow chose to go with familiarity in his first two choices, selecting home team all-stars Cam Atkinson and Jonathan Toews of the Blackhawks. Size elected to go with perennial all-stars Sidney Crosby (Nashville Predators) and Steven Stamkos (Los Angeles Kings). "My whole life, all I have wanted to do is put on the black and white and flourescent orange jersey of my division," said Stamkos, who is playing in his third-straight All-Star game, while representing different teams in all of them. In an attempt to outshine the overwhelmingly-popular design of this year's Olympic hockey jerseys, the EHE decided that all four divisions would get their own differentiating colors, even though only two teams will be competing. "So grey and blue are on the same team and white and black are on the same team?" asked Buffalo Sabres defenseman Mark Fayne, who somehow made Team Size out of sadness for the pathetic performance the Sabres have shown this season. "But what if there are players from each division all on one team? I'm so confused." Size felt comfortable with taking Fayne, however, since he is one of the very best at passing the puck to players of the opposite jersey color. Also of note to represent Team Gidlow are the EHE's second-leading goal-scorer Brad Marchand (Vegas Golden Knights) and Mikael Backlund (New York Islanders). Despite each leading last year's All-Star Game in points, they were the last two selections for Gidlow. "I think we were just trolling Brad," explained Size, "Which makes sense when you think about how he looks and acts like one on the ice." Meanwhile, EHE players who are currently competing in the Olympics, like Karl Stollery, are keeping a close eye on the upcoming action in Tampa. "As fun as it is to skate against players from leagues like the KHL, DEL, and UFHL, whatever the fuck that is, I'm hoping that playing here in Pyeongchang will help propel me to one day be considered for the honor and prestige of playing in the EHE All-Star Game." Here is the full breakdown of how the teams will line up: TEAM SIZE TEAM GIDLOW F - Sidney Crosby - NSH F - Cam Atkinson - CHI F - Steven Stamkos - LA F - Jonathan Toews - CHI F - Patrick Kane - BOS F - Patrice Bergeron - EDM F - Artemi Panarin - CAR F - J.T. Miller - VGK F - Jamie Benn - PIT F - Eric Staal - MIN F - Vladimir Tarasenko - DET F - Jaromir Jagr - NJ F - Alex Ovechkin - VAN F - Nikita Kucherov - DET F - Logan Couture - AZ F - Evgeny Kuznetsov - CBJ F - Mikael Granlund - FLA F - Brendan Gallagher - MTL F - Sean Monahan - DAL F - Ryan Kesler - TOR F - Anze Kopitar - WSH F - Brad Marchand - VGK F - Ryan Getzlaf - ANA F - Mikael Backlund - NYI D - Brent Burns - COL D - Ryan McDonagh - NYR D - Erik Karlsson - BOS D - Dustin Byfuglien - ANA D - Ryan Ellis - TB D - Mark Giordano - COL D - Jared Spurgeon - WPG D - Zdeno Chara - OTT D - Alex Goligoski - PIT D - Josh Manson - CGY D - Mark Fayne - BUF D - Dmitry Kulikov - STL G - Carey Price - DAL G - Cam Talbot - ANA G - Matt Murray - PHI G - Devan Dubnyk - PIT G - Sergei Bobrovsky- SJ G - Jake Allen - BOS